Suicide Expedition


Calling out.
Nobody there but me.
Calling your name to the wind, as the song goes.
Rushing so fast it sucks the words right from my mouth.
Replaced by a subconscious thought, twisted like it is.

Bedroom scene.
Not sex.
Bedroom: Four white walls, grey carpet, table, bed, yellowish light, door, aluminuim window.
Dots on the walls from Blu-Tac: Bygone pictures and posters torn out of existance.
A bygone time.
Blank eyes, blank ceiling, blank expression, blank soul.
Dark from lurid night. Evil/Fear from torrentuous night.

Plaster cracks:A smile from a friend.
No smile indeed: Sadism subconscious tormenting the lame.
Friend and a friend: Pure love, no restraints. One on one.
Going out: Forgotten joy.
Good time: No comment.

“...The purpose of life is to live. Understand this and be at one with yourself.
Have a nice life...” Quoth God, who never one lived and lives eternally in us, they say.
They say alot of things. About people. About feelings and stuff.
Putty in the hand of god, a mind. Putty to shape and perfect.
Putty to bake and putty to shatter.
To shatter: Scattered pieces of a whole. Mostly replaceable, though nothing’s perfect.

Life as an ant. Carry a load, drop a load and repeat.
Until eaten by a bird or torched by a brainless kid with a magnifying glass.
Meaningless existance: No love drive, no will to be.
A springy helix of finite length and infinite possibility: An algorithm.

Existance as an algorithm. To be or not to be.
A sum, add up the worth, see what you get.
Nowhere. The algorithm is wrong. Change the algorithm.
A sum, add up the costs, see what you get.
Cycle of dependencies, liberate each other from a hopeless life of drudgery.
Nowhere. Change the algorithm. It won’t change.
Society is to blame.
Television. Radio. Stereo. Mono. Computer. Virtual Reality.
Hollywood. Pleasure Island. Space colonisation. Isaac Asimov.
Fantasy novels. Fiction. Science Fiction. Alien Attacks. World Peace. 1984.
Internet. Information Superhighway. Cyberspace. Cyberpunks.
Greenpeace. World Wildlife Fund. Ozone Friendly.
NASA. NATO. EEC. G7. USA. CIS. SPCA. RSPCA. GST. VAT.
Hitler. Stalin. Alexander the Great. Atila the Hun.
Jesus Christ. Sidartha the Budha. Mohammad. Gods of all.
McDonalds. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Pizza Hut. Hungry Jacks.
Social Security. Pension. Monitory Assets Testing. Taxes. Politics.
Communism. Democracy. Heirachy. Anarchy. Chaos. Order. Socialism.
Fractal Geometry. Circle. Square. Triangle. Shapes. Images.
Boy. Girl. Man. Woman. Adolescent. Teenager. Adult. Mr. Mrs. Ms. Mstr. Miss.
Black. White. Red. Yellow. Colour. Skin. Race. Paint. Ink. Background. Portrait.
Symbols. Icons. Representations of idealist ideals. Graffiti. Words.
Ideals all. Is there a difference?
Society is to fault. Change the algorithm. The algorithm won’t change.

Blank eyes staring at a blank ceiling.
Love: The algorithm. The algorithm can not change.
Need: External device. Batteries not included.
Get your own. Find it yourself. It’s not my problem.
Years. Seconds. Time passing. The algorithm can not change.
Need: Values of Variables and Constants within the algorithm in order to solve the problem.
Need: To change the algorithm in order to suit the variables in order to get the desired result.

Chemicals reacting in response to neurostimulation. Action Attained.
Electric pulses across cellular bodies cause genetic algorithms to resolve. Action Attained.
Murder within the soul in an empty coffin.
Metadeath within seconds.

The algorithm does not change.